May 10, 2011

A Mother’s Initial Horror: Frenzy Orange Condom


By Nini Lucas-San Andres
May 10, 2011

Orange-flavoured condom!  In my son’s wallet! OMG!  He’s only 14.  And in case you’re wondering what the heck I am doing with my son’s wallet, well it is everywhere and a mother is a mother and I am a mother!

I was wide-eyed, stunned. Then I cried.  Fears flashed in my mind.  I imagined my son with a pregnant girl.  I pictured him with a baby.  I questioned.  What about his dreams, his college diploma, his dream of working in a multinational company, his dream house and cars? I saw these things and for all my attempts at understanding, I was simply a frightened mom!

Overcoming my initial reaction, I began to text my husband who’s miles away but to no avail.  Yes, in the middle of the night I texted Pashu, a friend and Ate Baby, my sister.  Thankfully, they texted back.    
          Pashu:   “look on the bright side...at least he is being responsible...don’t confront...have a casual talk about his love/personal life”.
         Ate Baby:  “don’t panic, don’t confront...it’s how young boys nowadays...maybe it’s just a props...don’t think bad...it will pass.”
Somehow they pacified me.  Only if you have seen the horror in my face, I could have won the best actress award.  I remember how a good friend Tere, in spite a liberated woman, felt just the same way when she found out a condom on his son’s wallet.  I guess mothers are all the same...protective.

Two days passed when I finally got the chance and courage to talk to my son.  It went like this.
Me:   "Who’s this new gf of yours? Is she a friend of J_ _ _ _?”
My Son:     Nods.
Me: “We have talked about your friends and bf-gf relationship before...you know   I’m always here to remind you to prioritize your studies.”
My Son:  “I know that already."
Me:  “Okay...hmmm...by the way...we know that J_ _ _ _is already     experienced with girls...remember what happened to him last year...the one his mother talked about...”
My son:    “Yes.”
Me: “hmmm...you know...I saw a condom ...in your wallet...is that yours? Did you buy it yourself?”
My Son:  “It’s nothing...all my friends have it on their wallet...it’s just a show off...cool thing...my friend gave it to me.” 
Me:  "hmmm...okay...are you still a virgin?!” (Damn me to ask)
My Son:     “Mommy...but of course! “(He's little annoyed)
Me:       “Oh...okay...”
When Ronnie and I talked about it, I found out that he talked to him ahead of me.  He told our son that condom is not bad at all.  That it’s a good thing that he is being responsible but young enough for that.  And that he should wait for the right time and the right person to engage in sexual activity.

It’s a young man’s decision to be safe. And the argument of “teens will have sex anyway, so might as well give them condom” is worth contemplating. I don’t think I’ll just sit and wait.  I need to make another talk with my son.  I want to share my feelings, values and beliefs about sex.   So we did.  I told him the positive information- that is, sexuality is natural and healthy, and should be in loving relationships, and intimacy can be a wonderful part of adult life.  Then I pointed to him that there is the negative info about sex like STD, HIV and unwanted pregnancy. 

Whatever the flavour is, be it orange, mint, or banana...he should wait even its cool and popular among generation y.  I added that the best way is to avoid circumstances that could lead him to sex.  And abstinence is sure protection against unwanted pregnancy and STDs. I asked him to focus on studies and sports.

No matter how firm and protective I am with my sons, I know there are these things beyond my control.  I always keep them in my guidance and most especially in prayers.