A Mother’s Boys II Men: Dating Girls

     There is no way around it!  I had to face it!  Or do something I wished my teenage sons could avoid: But my boys are going to date girls!

     In these days of SMS, text, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Viber and the like where one could easily get ‘good vibes’; I get to accept dating as a normal adolescent life stage experience for most teenagers.

     As much as I don’t want my boys not to engage in boy-girl relationships, the desire to have a special someone is part of the journey.  As for my teenage sons, they go along because they are conscious to try something new that other friends are doing. Or it seems to be unavoidable not to get noticed, attracted and interested in this age and time.

 Renz with Mikee

     Anyway, as my boys entering puberty, I always make it clear that they need to be aware of their ability to impregnate a girl.  Remember the raging hormones of teenagers, they feel overwhelmed with the existent of their first love, 2^nd love, 3^rd… and the idea that they are behaving in an adult manner fascinates them.

     And many young people are not fully capable of understanding all the possible consequences of this adolescent emotional issue.  Due to their hormones, they are not thinking their actions through. Yeah! Blame it on the infamous raging hormones that need to be addressed and managed.

     This is the time to teach them about responsible behavior– the rules and limits of dating.  Help them reassess their moral values. Most importantly I should be sure that they know about the responsibility they have to themselves, their bodies and their dates. I need to teach my teens to treat those they date with respect. 

    My teens are in the transition from child to adult. Dating helps them to feel independent and mature. It's a step forward into "grown-up" behavior. My boys and I always talk, talk… I always tell them, “don’t get too physically close, and please do not engage in any sexual activities!”

    There! Prepare myself, equip them! (Not with condom). Push them hard to study! Engage them on sports! Fascinates them with Lebron James shoes! Feed them pasta and pizza! Threat them!

   What a mother could do best is to be ‘around’ for them and say a little prayer, No! Lots of prayers!

A Mother's Job: Finding Renz's Passion

        Everyone is good at something.  All people have a knack for something. Chances are someone has told you that if your child is interested, whether in sports, music or the arts, grab the opportunity and let your child explore a variety of options. And finding your kid’s passion at a young age will help him in school and life.  It would help your son to become a well-rounded person if you introduce him to numerous activities. 

                     

      Alright, it seems my son Renz is interested in activities but that which happen to be popular among friends in school or neighbourhood.  I know these activities aren’t necessarily will win my son scholarships or public recognition.  What is much important is that he shows a knack for it and he thoroughly enjoys it more than just a majestic view of watching him play, play an instrument, or smash a shuttle with his entire core.

       I’m not forcing him to excel nor imposing my dreams on him, but letting him learn and enjoy many new experiences.  I’m just here to help him set realistic goals and celebrate small achievements.   Hoping, I’m opening a channel for him to express himself in a positive way by exposing him to different activities. I pray I could be of help in finding his true calling because if he has direction in life also he has less chance of getting involved in drugs or alcohol or hanging out with the wrong crowd.  Hopefully, he will gain confidence that will spill over into other areasof his life. 

        Like every summer I enrol him and his younger brother in lessons of any kind I can afford and/that they want to be in.  At age 7, he took up swimming lessons and loves the water ever since.  At 8 and 9, they have attended 2 summers of McDonald’s Kiddie Crew Workshop.  Before we came to badminton, though, my son tried numerous activities like taekwondo, ice skating, and volleyball, that didn’t work out at all.  There are times he engages in air soft, paintball, billiards, tennis and basketball.  This summer he had guitar lessons and learned just 4 songs.  Now he wants to play drums.  

    Sometimes I ask myself what I can do to keep that passion burning in my kid’s heart and mind.  It is my job as his parent to help him realize it and bring it to its full potential.  So I’m watching him practice, giving him time alone, with a watchful eye, of course. I let him try and fail.  And I try hard not to be critical or demanding.

     I think one of the most important jobs of a parent is to inspire and encourage those things the child seems to be naturally attracted to in order to help discover his passion.  It is the uncovering, pursuing, and being able to live his passion is the best help you can give your child.  More than a mother’s aspiration or a mother’s prayer but most of all, it’s a mother’s job.  Praises and encouragement are welcomed whether your son is 4 or 40.  One will never outgrow affirmation or validation.

               As for Renz’s badminton coaches,Jayson, Prince and Alex, these things they have to say: Renz learning new skills will stimulate his mind, his training will promote physical fitness, it will enhance his social skills, and it will help him develop confidence and self esteem.

     Now, Renz is a badminton varsity player at his school. He started playing and competing at age 10.  So far so good playing singles at the CAPRISA (Cainta Private School Associations) and RIPRIZA (Rizal Private School Associations).  He’s eyeing to play at the provincial meet.

     I’m looking forward to that day Renz will develop a talent that can lead to great successes in his life:emotional happiness, increased self-esteem, as well as, possibly financial benefits.

P.S.  I’m having problem with Ren’z self-control... the self-control by athletes who train to win the prize.  I always tell him that he needs to remember that as a consistent habit of life, regular discipline is of far greater value to him than his “ last minute preparation”.

A Mother’s Initial Horror: Frenzy Orange Condom

By Nini Lucas-San Andres

May 10, 2011

Orange-flavoured condom!  In my son’s wallet! OMG!  He’s only 14.  And in case you’re wondering what the heck I am doing with my son’s wallet, well it is everywhere and a mother is a mother and I am a mother!

I was wide-eyed, stunned. Then I cried.  Fears flashed in my mind.  I imagined my son with a pregnant girl.  I pictured him with a baby.  I questioned.  What about his dreams, his college diploma, his dream of working in a multinational company, his dream house and cars? I saw these things and for all my attempts at understanding, I was simply a frightened mom!

Overcoming my initial reaction, I began to text my husband who’s miles away but to no avail.  Yes, in the middle of the night I texted Pashu, a friend and Ate Baby, my sister.  Thankfully, they texted back.    

          Pashu:   “look on the bright side...at least he is being responsible...don’t confront...have a casual talk about his love/personal life”.

         Ate Baby:  “don’t panic, don’t confront...it’s how young boys nowadays...maybe it’s just a props...don’t think bad...it will pass.”

Somehow they pacified me.  Only if you have seen the horror in my face, I could have won the best actress award.  I remember how a good friend Tere, in spite a liberated woman, felt just the same way when she found out a condom on his son’s wallet.  I guess mothers are all the same...protective.

Two days passed when I finally got the chance and courage to talk to my son.  It went like this.

Me:   "Who’s this new gf of yours? Is she a friend of J_ _ _ _?”

My Son:     Nods.

Me: “We have talked about your friends and bf-gf relationship before...you know   I’m always here to remind you to prioritize your studies.”

My Son:  “I know that already."

Me:  “Okay...hmmm...by the way...we know that J_ _ _ _is already     experienced with girls...remember what happened to him last year...the one his mother talked about...”

My son:    “Yes.”

Me: “hmmm...you know...I saw a condom ...in your wallet...is that yours? Did you buy it yourself?”

My Son:  “It’s nothing...all my friends have it on their wallet...it’s just a show off...cool thing...my friend gave it to me.” 

Me:  "hmmm...okay...are you still a virgin?!” (Damn me to ask)

My Son:     “Mommy...but of course! “(He's little annoyed)

Me:       “Oh...okay...”

When Ronnie and I talked about it, I found out that he talked to him ahead of me.  He told our son that condom is not bad at all.  That it’s a good thing that he is being responsible but young enough for that.  And that he should wait for the right time and the right person to engage in sexual activity.

It’s a young man’s decision to be safe. And the argument of “teens will have sex anyway, so might as well give them condom” is worth contemplating. I don’t think I’ll just sit and wait.  I need to make another talk with my son.  I want to share my feelings, values and beliefs about sex.   So we did.  I told him the positive information- that is, sexuality is natural and healthy, and should be in loving relationships, and intimacy can be a wonderful part of adult life.  Then I pointed to him that there is the negative info about sex like STD, HIV and unwanted pregnancy. 

Whatever the flavour is, be it orange, mint, or banana...he should wait even its cool and popular among generation y.  I added that the best way is to avoid circumstances that could lead him to sex.  And abstinence is sure protection against unwanted pregnancy and STDs. I asked him to focus on studies and sports.

No matter how firm and protective I am with my sons, I know there are these things beyond my control.  I always keep them in my guidance and most especially in prayers. 

A Mother’s Puberty: Erections and Emissions

Being a teenager is a troubling time. And my boys are not exempted adjusting to all the challenges going on both with their physical and emotions.

Since their father is miles away for quite some time now, I’m left alone raising these teens. I’m having a hard time dealing with them and their raging hormones. But someone has to do the job and I’m left with no choice.

One Sunday evening after hearing mass, I brought my two boys to Isaw Haus, a grill eatery near our place. While feeding their stomach with chicken barbeque, sisig and fried rice, I started helping their brains digest matters on erections and nocturnal emissions. Yes! Hear me out, “wet dreams”. I said it. You should see the look on their faces. My eldest Renz smirked a bit and Harvey frowned in deep thought grasping the word.

  

Anyway, I bravely told them these are natural process of maturity.  Yes, I was having a hard time explaining to them (1) that boys get unexpected erections, without touching their penis or without having sexual thoughts, (2) that many boys begin to have wet dreamswhen they start puberty, (3) that ejaculating when asleep is the body’s way of releasing “built up” semen, and (4) that with time these will become less frequent.

I told my boys, so let it be. And I pointed it out to them not to entertain any sexual thoughts or romantic feelings. 

You know, I’m trying to decrease their hormonal/sexual drive.Yes, I heard it before, let the boys discover and explore. I try not to pry. But I’m not comfortable not knowing what is going on in my kids’ life. But as their mother, my teens need to be and guided and polished. I survived my puberty. Now I just have to survive my boys’ puberty.

A Mother’s Unusual Hobby: 6 Pack Abs!

By Nini SanAndres

November 29, 2010

I’m not that gaga over this actor Derek Ramsey.  I guess I’m no longer too young to get that wild...hmmm.  Or maybe because I am used to seeing a lot of him on TV and I failed to appreciate him more.  Until my kids’ small talk of him caught my attention.  True enough!  Who doesn’t want Derek Ramsey’s body? Men or women, young or old, either wants or gets an eyeful of his 6 pack abs.  He looks strong and physically attractive.

My two boys were watching Derek on TV and some guys from Survivor Philippines Celebrity Edition.  They were comparing their biceps and abs.  My eldest son Renz told me that he’d be working out in the gym when he gets in college.  They are eyeing to grow their body structures to become handsome hunks! Huh? Like Incredible Hulk? No! Okay, not the massive muscle guy but the toned, lean, and physically fit-looking Derek.

I see! So a “nice body” and a “gym body” are entirely different things.  People like Brad Pitt, Jessica Alba, Will Smith, etc…all just look fit and attractive. When you look at them the first thing that comes to mind is that they have a "nice body". Okay, this is different than looking at a person and thinking "gym body". When you see a really massive guy, you think they must spend a lot of time in the gym.

Anyway, at 14 and 13 though both my boys are athletic, I could not imagine them at their young age and mind that they’re already conscious on having a nice body.  Them, preoccupied with online games and food want to be hunks...hmmm...

Harvey's List

There were several nights I find Harvey all perspiring in his room doing sit ups and abs crunches. I also found a handwritten list of his exercise.  He said he needs to work out since he’s joining karate.  Now I understand. I said to him I was even worried it can even lead to serious back injuries if done wrongly over a period of time.  But he wanted it.  I just hope for the best.

Renz has thin body structure while Harvey has more curves. My eldest son would need a lot of gaining while the other more on toning to do in the future. I am excited for the transformation.  It’s good to see the boys achieving more perfect physical shape and getting into sports.

I think it is whatever feels good and healthy for them. I don't think that one or even a few types will fit most people. Not everyone fits into perfectly moulded categories that we set out for people. I think difference is a beautiful thing; in bodies and minds everyone is unique and different as long as you don’t bite someone’s head off or step on some people’s toes... and that is wonderful in my opinion.