A Mother's Job: Finding Renz's Passion

        Everyone is good at something.  All people have a knack for something. Chances are someone has told you that if your child is interested, whether in sports, music or the arts, grab the opportunity and let your child explore a variety of options. And finding your kid’s passion at a young age will help him in school and life.  It would help your son to become a well-rounded person if you introduce him to numerous activities. 

                     

      Alright, it seems my son Renz is interested in activities but that which happen to be popular among friends in school or neighbourhood.  I know these activities aren’t necessarily will win my son scholarships or public recognition.  What is much important is that he shows a knack for it and he thoroughly enjoys it more than just a majestic view of watching him play, play an instrument, or smash a shuttle with his entire core.

       I’m not forcing him to excel nor imposing my dreams on him, but letting him learn and enjoy many new experiences.  I’m just here to help him set realistic goals and celebrate small achievements.   Hoping, I’m opening a channel for him to express himself in a positive way by exposing him to different activities. I pray I could be of help in finding his true calling because if he has direction in life also he has less chance of getting involved in drugs or alcohol or hanging out with the wrong crowd.  Hopefully, he will gain confidence that will spill over into other areasof his life. 

        Like every summer I enrol him and his younger brother in lessons of any kind I can afford and/that they want to be in.  At age 7, he took up swimming lessons and loves the water ever since.  At 8 and 9, they have attended 2 summers of McDonald’s Kiddie Crew Workshop.  Before we came to badminton, though, my son tried numerous activities like taekwondo, ice skating, and volleyball, that didn’t work out at all.  There are times he engages in air soft, paintball, billiards, tennis and basketball.  This summer he had guitar lessons and learned just 4 songs.  Now he wants to play drums.  

    Sometimes I ask myself what I can do to keep that passion burning in my kid’s heart and mind.  It is my job as his parent to help him realize it and bring it to its full potential.  So I’m watching him practice, giving him time alone, with a watchful eye, of course. I let him try and fail.  And I try hard not to be critical or demanding.

     I think one of the most important jobs of a parent is to inspire and encourage those things the child seems to be naturally attracted to in order to help discover his passion.  It is the uncovering, pursuing, and being able to live his passion is the best help you can give your child.  More than a mother’s aspiration or a mother’s prayer but most of all, it’s a mother’s job.  Praises and encouragement are welcomed whether your son is 4 or 40.  One will never outgrow affirmation or validation.

               As for Renz’s badminton coaches,Jayson, Prince and Alex, these things they have to say: Renz learning new skills will stimulate his mind, his training will promote physical fitness, it will enhance his social skills, and it will help him develop confidence and self esteem.

     Now, Renz is a badminton varsity player at his school. He started playing and competing at age 10.  So far so good playing singles at the CAPRISA (Cainta Private School Associations) and RIPRIZA (Rizal Private School Associations).  He’s eyeing to play at the provincial meet.

     I’m looking forward to that day Renz will develop a talent that can lead to great successes in his life:emotional happiness, increased self-esteem, as well as, possibly financial benefits.

P.S.  I’m having problem with Ren’z self-control... the self-control by athletes who train to win the prize.  I always tell him that he needs to remember that as a consistent habit of life, regular discipline is of far greater value to him than his “ last minute preparation”.

Capture Bacolod MassKara Festival

Bacolod MassKara Festival

I love to travel and really would like to visit Bacolod and experience their MassKara Festival. As everybody knows, their festival is the most colorful street dance in the Philippines.  It is a Mardi Gras and Oktoberfest-like celebration where everybody can dance, drink and be merry.

There are many reasons why I would like to experience the Masskara Festival. First, I want to see their showcase of colorful smiling masks and elaborate costumes. Second, I love their world renowned street dancing. Third, Bacolod has the famous Chicken Inasal and Piaya and so many other delicious Bacolod dishes and delicacies.  Bacolod also has antique houses, old stone churches, and other cultural sites. Undeniably, another reason is the people are very warm, and I want to capture the City of Smile. 

Oh, I really like to join Bacolod MassKara Festival this October!

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A Mother’s Initial Horror: Frenzy Orange Condom

By Nini Lucas-San Andres

May 10, 2011

Orange-flavoured condom!  In my son’s wallet! OMG!  He’s only 14.  And in case you’re wondering what the heck I am doing with my son’s wallet, well it is everywhere and a mother is a mother and I am a mother!

I was wide-eyed, stunned. Then I cried.  Fears flashed in my mind.  I imagined my son with a pregnant girl.  I pictured him with a baby.  I questioned.  What about his dreams, his college diploma, his dream of working in a multinational company, his dream house and cars? I saw these things and for all my attempts at understanding, I was simply a frightened mom!

Overcoming my initial reaction, I began to text my husband who’s miles away but to no avail.  Yes, in the middle of the night I texted Pashu, a friend and Ate Baby, my sister.  Thankfully, they texted back.    

          Pashu:   “look on the bright side...at least he is being responsible...don’t confront...have a casual talk about his love/personal life”.

         Ate Baby:  “don’t panic, don’t confront...it’s how young boys nowadays...maybe it’s just a props...don’t think bad...it will pass.”

Somehow they pacified me.  Only if you have seen the horror in my face, I could have won the best actress award.  I remember how a good friend Tere, in spite a liberated woman, felt just the same way when she found out a condom on his son’s wallet.  I guess mothers are all the same...protective.

Two days passed when I finally got the chance and courage to talk to my son.  It went like this.

Me:   "Who’s this new gf of yours? Is she a friend of J_ _ _ _?”

My Son:     Nods.

Me: “We have talked about your friends and bf-gf relationship before...you know   I’m always here to remind you to prioritize your studies.”

My Son:  “I know that already."

Me:  “Okay...hmmm...by the way...we know that J_ _ _ _is already     experienced with girls...remember what happened to him last year...the one his mother talked about...”

My son:    “Yes.”

Me: “hmmm...you know...I saw a condom ...in your wallet...is that yours? Did you buy it yourself?”

My Son:  “It’s nothing...all my friends have it on their wallet...it’s just a show off...cool thing...my friend gave it to me.” 

Me:  "hmmm...okay...are you still a virgin?!” (Damn me to ask)

My Son:     “Mommy...but of course! “(He's little annoyed)

Me:       “Oh...okay...”

When Ronnie and I talked about it, I found out that he talked to him ahead of me.  He told our son that condom is not bad at all.  That it’s a good thing that he is being responsible but young enough for that.  And that he should wait for the right time and the right person to engage in sexual activity.

It’s a young man’s decision to be safe. And the argument of “teens will have sex anyway, so might as well give them condom” is worth contemplating. I don’t think I’ll just sit and wait.  I need to make another talk with my son.  I want to share my feelings, values and beliefs about sex.   So we did.  I told him the positive information- that is, sexuality is natural and healthy, and should be in loving relationships, and intimacy can be a wonderful part of adult life.  Then I pointed to him that there is the negative info about sex like STD, HIV and unwanted pregnancy. 

Whatever the flavour is, be it orange, mint, or banana...he should wait even its cool and popular among generation y.  I added that the best way is to avoid circumstances that could lead him to sex.  And abstinence is sure protection against unwanted pregnancy and STDs. I asked him to focus on studies and sports.

No matter how firm and protective I am with my sons, I know there are these things beyond my control.  I always keep them in my guidance and most especially in prayers. 

A Mother’s Puberty: Erections and Emissions

Being a teenager is a troubling time. And my boys are not exempted adjusting to all the challenges going on both with their physical and emotions.

Since their father is miles away for quite some time now, I’m left alone raising these teens. I’m having a hard time dealing with them and their raging hormones. But someone has to do the job and I’m left with no choice.

One Sunday evening after hearing mass, I brought my two boys to Isaw Haus, a grill eatery near our place. While feeding their stomach with chicken barbeque, sisig and fried rice, I started helping their brains digest matters on erections and nocturnal emissions. Yes! Hear me out, “wet dreams”. I said it. You should see the look on their faces. My eldest Renz smirked a bit and Harvey frowned in deep thought grasping the word.

  

Anyway, I bravely told them these are natural process of maturity.  Yes, I was having a hard time explaining to them (1) that boys get unexpected erections, without touching their penis or without having sexual thoughts, (2) that many boys begin to have wet dreamswhen they start puberty, (3) that ejaculating when asleep is the body’s way of releasing “built up” semen, and (4) that with time these will become less frequent.

I told my boys, so let it be. And I pointed it out to them not to entertain any sexual thoughts or romantic feelings. 

You know, I’m trying to decrease their hormonal/sexual drive.Yes, I heard it before, let the boys discover and explore. I try not to pry. But I’m not comfortable not knowing what is going on in my kids’ life. But as their mother, my teens need to be and guided and polished. I survived my puberty. Now I just have to survive my boys’ puberty.

A Mother’s Sight: Harvey No More A Baby

By Nini Lucas-San Andres

January 13, 2011

  From cute and cuddly little kiddo suddenly Harvey is almost as big as, actually taller than I am.  He is turning into awkward, clumsy person who is fast developing a new physicality that he doesn’t know what to do with.  He is unsteady between considerable maturity and babyness.

     Rapid body changes occur like his sweat glands become more active and odorous, and more hairy legs.  He is getting self-conscious on his appearance.  He is starting to dress like his older brother Renz, wearing branded jeans, boxer shorts and men’s black leather shoes.  Conformity in clothes, speech, hair style, etc., becomes very important to him.   He is beginning to show concern for his body.  He is using deodorant, face powder and facial wash, and body cologne.  He has accessories, bracelet, dog tag, belt, etc.

   Aside from the physical change, he is dealing with social and emotional experiences.  There is the need for privacy.  He is secretive, talkative but not communicative, often giggly.

    Most of the time, he would rather “hang out” with his friends.  Peer group friendships become more intimate.  He is becoming moody and irritable. He is always acting out and quick to disagree with me.

Yes, my little baby is not that anymore, but it is time to put my nostalgia aside.  I need to embrace the changes that are happening to my boy, especially the physical ones.  Focus on what he is turning into and not what he used to be. 

    He might lose the babyness but hopefully not the extra happiness I get whenever I hear from him the “I love you too”, and the kiss on my cheek.