A Mother’s Boys II Men: Dating Girls

     There is no way around it!  I had to face it!  Or do something I wished my teenage sons could avoid: But my boys are going to date girls!

     In these days of SMS, text, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Viber and the like where one could easily get ‘good vibes’; I get to accept dating as a normal adolescent life stage experience for most teenagers.

     As much as I don’t want my boys not to engage in boy-girl relationships, the desire to have a special someone is part of the journey.  As for my teenage sons, they go along because they are conscious to try something new that other friends are doing. Or it seems to be unavoidable not to get noticed, attracted and interested in this age and time.

 Renz with Mikee

     Anyway, as my boys entering puberty, I always make it clear that they need to be aware of their ability to impregnate a girl.  Remember the raging hormones of teenagers, they feel overwhelmed with the existent of their first love, 2^nd love, 3^rd… and the idea that they are behaving in an adult manner fascinates them.

     And many young people are not fully capable of understanding all the possible consequences of this adolescent emotional issue.  Due to their hormones, they are not thinking their actions through. Yeah! Blame it on the infamous raging hormones that need to be addressed and managed.

     This is the time to teach them about responsible behavior– the rules and limits of dating.  Help them reassess their moral values. Most importantly I should be sure that they know about the responsibility they have to themselves, their bodies and their dates. I need to teach my teens to treat those they date with respect. 

    My teens are in the transition from child to adult. Dating helps them to feel independent and mature. It's a step forward into "grown-up" behavior. My boys and I always talk, talk… I always tell them, “don’t get too physically close, and please do not engage in any sexual activities!”

    There! Prepare myself, equip them! (Not with condom). Push them hard to study! Engage them on sports! Fascinates them with Lebron James shoes! Feed them pasta and pizza! Threat them!

   What a mother could do best is to be ‘around’ for them and say a little prayer, No! Lots of prayers!

A Mother’s Initial Horror: Frenzy Orange Condom

By Nini Lucas-San Andres

May 10, 2011

Orange-flavoured condom!  In my son’s wallet! OMG!  He’s only 14.  And in case you’re wondering what the heck I am doing with my son’s wallet, well it is everywhere and a mother is a mother and I am a mother!

I was wide-eyed, stunned. Then I cried.  Fears flashed in my mind.  I imagined my son with a pregnant girl.  I pictured him with a baby.  I questioned.  What about his dreams, his college diploma, his dream of working in a multinational company, his dream house and cars? I saw these things and for all my attempts at understanding, I was simply a frightened mom!

Overcoming my initial reaction, I began to text my husband who’s miles away but to no avail.  Yes, in the middle of the night I texted Pashu, a friend and Ate Baby, my sister.  Thankfully, they texted back.    

          Pashu:   “look on the bright side...at least he is being responsible...don’t confront...have a casual talk about his love/personal life”.

         Ate Baby:  “don’t panic, don’t confront...it’s how young boys nowadays...maybe it’s just a props...don’t think bad...it will pass.”

Somehow they pacified me.  Only if you have seen the horror in my face, I could have won the best actress award.  I remember how a good friend Tere, in spite a liberated woman, felt just the same way when she found out a condom on his son’s wallet.  I guess mothers are all the same...protective.

Two days passed when I finally got the chance and courage to talk to my son.  It went like this.

Me:   "Who’s this new gf of yours? Is she a friend of J_ _ _ _?”

My Son:     Nods.

Me: “We have talked about your friends and bf-gf relationship before...you know   I’m always here to remind you to prioritize your studies.”

My Son:  “I know that already."

Me:  “Okay...hmmm...by the way...we know that J_ _ _ _is already     experienced with girls...remember what happened to him last year...the one his mother talked about...”

My son:    “Yes.”

Me: “hmmm...you know...I saw a condom ...in your wallet...is that yours? Did you buy it yourself?”

My Son:  “It’s nothing...all my friends have it on their wallet...it’s just a show off...cool thing...my friend gave it to me.” 

Me:  "hmmm...okay...are you still a virgin?!” (Damn me to ask)

My Son:     “Mommy...but of course! “(He's little annoyed)

Me:       “Oh...okay...”

When Ronnie and I talked about it, I found out that he talked to him ahead of me.  He told our son that condom is not bad at all.  That it’s a good thing that he is being responsible but young enough for that.  And that he should wait for the right time and the right person to engage in sexual activity.

It’s a young man’s decision to be safe. And the argument of “teens will have sex anyway, so might as well give them condom” is worth contemplating. I don’t think I’ll just sit and wait.  I need to make another talk with my son.  I want to share my feelings, values and beliefs about sex.   So we did.  I told him the positive information- that is, sexuality is natural and healthy, and should be in loving relationships, and intimacy can be a wonderful part of adult life.  Then I pointed to him that there is the negative info about sex like STD, HIV and unwanted pregnancy. 

Whatever the flavour is, be it orange, mint, or banana...he should wait even its cool and popular among generation y.  I added that the best way is to avoid circumstances that could lead him to sex.  And abstinence is sure protection against unwanted pregnancy and STDs. I asked him to focus on studies and sports.

No matter how firm and protective I am with my sons, I know there are these things beyond my control.  I always keep them in my guidance and most especially in prayers. 

A Mother’s Puberty: Erections and Emissions

Being a teenager is a troubling time. And my boys are not exempted adjusting to all the challenges going on both with their physical and emotions.

Since their father is miles away for quite some time now, I’m left alone raising these teens. I’m having a hard time dealing with them and their raging hormones. But someone has to do the job and I’m left with no choice.

One Sunday evening after hearing mass, I brought my two boys to Isaw Haus, a grill eatery near our place. While feeding their stomach with chicken barbeque, sisig and fried rice, I started helping their brains digest matters on erections and nocturnal emissions. Yes! Hear me out, “wet dreams”. I said it. You should see the look on their faces. My eldest Renz smirked a bit and Harvey frowned in deep thought grasping the word.

  

Anyway, I bravely told them these are natural process of maturity.  Yes, I was having a hard time explaining to them (1) that boys get unexpected erections, without touching their penis or without having sexual thoughts, (2) that many boys begin to have wet dreamswhen they start puberty, (3) that ejaculating when asleep is the body’s way of releasing “built up” semen, and (4) that with time these will become less frequent.

I told my boys, so let it be. And I pointed it out to them not to entertain any sexual thoughts or romantic feelings. 

You know, I’m trying to decrease their hormonal/sexual drive.Yes, I heard it before, let the boys discover and explore. I try not to pry. But I’m not comfortable not knowing what is going on in my kids’ life. But as their mother, my teens need to be and guided and polished. I survived my puberty. Now I just have to survive my boys’ puberty.

A Mother's Ears: Harvey Beatboxing!

bt!... pft!... ts!.. bt!... pft!... ts!" A louder and punchier b! "BoomBa! BoomBa!

It's all over the house... imitations of percussion sounds... seems like beating drums. 

It is Harvey's beatboxing. But he sounds a lot goofy, as in Goofy of Disney...not being silly but the way he pronounces words. And he never stops. He never runs out of air... what a great deal of lung capacity my son has.

But this beatboxing makes me crazy. It is too much for me. And I complain in hysterics. What can a mother do? A mother needs to lend an ear. So I have to listen and understand patiently and appreciate.

Amid all the noise and the saliva spits out of Harvey's deafening beatboxing, I am hoping he will get it right someday. Unfortunately, I didn't capture on video his beatboxing.

I know it may take some practice and a mother's ears to make this beatboxing enjoyable for others' ears as well.

by Nini Lucas-San Andres

December 12, 2010

A Mother’s Unusual Hobby: 6 Pack Abs!

By Nini SanAndres

November 29, 2010

I’m not that gaga over this actor Derek Ramsey.  I guess I’m no longer too young to get that wild...hmmm.  Or maybe because I am used to seeing a lot of him on TV and I failed to appreciate him more.  Until my kids’ small talk of him caught my attention.  True enough!  Who doesn’t want Derek Ramsey’s body? Men or women, young or old, either wants or gets an eyeful of his 6 pack abs.  He looks strong and physically attractive.

My two boys were watching Derek on TV and some guys from Survivor Philippines Celebrity Edition.  They were comparing their biceps and abs.  My eldest son Renz told me that he’d be working out in the gym when he gets in college.  They are eyeing to grow their body structures to become handsome hunks! Huh? Like Incredible Hulk? No! Okay, not the massive muscle guy but the toned, lean, and physically fit-looking Derek.

I see! So a “nice body” and a “gym body” are entirely different things.  People like Brad Pitt, Jessica Alba, Will Smith, etc…all just look fit and attractive. When you look at them the first thing that comes to mind is that they have a "nice body". Okay, this is different than looking at a person and thinking "gym body". When you see a really massive guy, you think they must spend a lot of time in the gym.

Anyway, at 14 and 13 though both my boys are athletic, I could not imagine them at their young age and mind that they’re already conscious on having a nice body.  Them, preoccupied with online games and food want to be hunks...hmmm...

Harvey's List

There were several nights I find Harvey all perspiring in his room doing sit ups and abs crunches. I also found a handwritten list of his exercise.  He said he needs to work out since he’s joining karate.  Now I understand. I said to him I was even worried it can even lead to serious back injuries if done wrongly over a period of time.  But he wanted it.  I just hope for the best.

Renz has thin body structure while Harvey has more curves. My eldest son would need a lot of gaining while the other more on toning to do in the future. I am excited for the transformation.  It’s good to see the boys achieving more perfect physical shape and getting into sports.

I think it is whatever feels good and healthy for them. I don't think that one or even a few types will fit most people. Not everyone fits into perfectly moulded categories that we set out for people. I think difference is a beautiful thing; in bodies and minds everyone is unique and different as long as you don’t bite someone’s head off or step on some people’s toes... and that is wonderful in my opinion.

A Mother’s Dispute: Black or Blonde

 We normally color our hair to return gray to its previous color, since gray hair is a sign of advanced age. But now especially the younger people, they change hair color to a shade regarded as more fashionable or desirable or simply because we want to change our hair color.

     And what’s with this Justin Bieber that everybody loves, aside from his famous song “Baby... baby baby ohh!” Well, it’s the famous Bieber hair - the one with a helmet-like cut that includes long, side-brushed bangs. It has a blend of brown and blonde hair color or what they call the dirty blonde hair.

     Just this summer, my two kids promised to be good boys just to have their hair dyed. I refused since most schools don’t allow students to dye their hair. I don’t want their hair and scalp exposed to chemicals of hair colorants at a young age and because of health concerns.

     For one, they don’t keep their promises. Another thing, I don’t want my kids to be too conscious or pay too much attention on their looks. Lastly, they might look like punks or like the street children with bright hair color.

    But their father agreed to their request. He said that it was summer and let the kids experience it. It’s just hair and it grows out. It is a cheap and relatively harmless way for them to express their individuality, so why not? Obviously, it’s three against one!

    Harvey wanted a golden blonde hair but it turned out chestnut brown with caramel highlights. For Renz, it was salt and pepper hair color. They were excited sporting a new hair color. It worked for Harvey but not for Renz. Harvey looked like a local version of his idol Justin Bieberwhile Renz looked older than he is... but looked handsomer likeRichard Gere and George Clooney. Speaking of patronizing your own children...lol.

    Harvey kept the hairstyle until the end of summer while Renz had it returned to black after 2 weeks.

   Black or blonde doesn’t matter, but I make sure my kids are aware of the dangers of dyes and how they can dry hair if they are used to often. Also, I let them know that most people look best with their natural hair color because it matches their skin tone.

   And with hair or without hair, what is much important is what’s inside your head, and having a good head on your shoulders. 

by Nini Sicat Lucas-SanAndres

July 23, 2010

A Mother's Appreciation: Harvey, the Other Son God Gave Me

      Harvey is not just a pretty face!He is lovable. No effort needed. A lot of people notice him. He can get away with a smile.

      His Science-5 teacher validates this charming and appealing smile. There was this incident in school wherein she apprehended Harvey because of running in the corridor. As a punishment, she asked Harvey to stay outside the room the whole time. After class, Harvey offered to carry her things to the third floor. The teacher asked him to go but Harvey didn’t move, just smiled. The teacher knew Harvey was sorry. He was waiting to be told that’s everything is okay. Harvey asked her if he could now sit inside the room but the teacher just replied with a question, “What do you think?” And so Harvey remained outside. But when it’s time for seatwork, Harvey asked the teacher this time if he could get his things inside so that he can do the seatwork.  
 

   

      

     The teacher was pleased because Harvey tried hard to show how sorry he was. Harvey even got to answer the seatwork correctly. The teacher told me “Mommy it’s hard not to give in at Harvey’s charm and smile.”

    Harvey is confident. He is a varsity player of Greenland Academy basketball and badminton team. I laugh at how he talks about how good he played and how much he scored for the team to win the basketball game. He assumes he’s the star player. But when they lose the game, he reasoned out the big stature of the opponent team players.

    Harvey is thoughtful. Harvey utterly appreciates everything that is good, especially when it comes to food. There was this Italianni’s Resto story wherein his Tita Lyn confirms Harvey’s thoughtfulness. She brought Harvey to a dinner with Gen. Bataoil and family. They were surprised as Harvey ordered for chicken and lasagna and rice, for everyone had a salad, light dinner only. Then her Tita Lyn wondered why the lasagna was not touched and his chicken was half-eaten. Harvey whispered that he’s going to take home the chicken for his older brother Renz and the lasagna for me. He told Tita Lyn that the food is good and he wants us to have a taste of it. Truly, upon coming home, Harvey was so excited on his “take out”.

    Harvey can be responsible. At age 9, he can do household chores. He can cook noodles and rice. He can fry eggs, hotdogs, hash browns, french-fries etc. He can wash the dishes, mop the floor, fold the clothes and make the bed. It’s just that you have to ask him most of the time.

    Harvey is caring. Every time I’m sick, he always brings me a hot milk or Milo drink. He asks me if I’m okay. Whenever he sees me crying, he asks me who the culprit is. He asks me to go out of the house and get some sunlight or go to her Ate Nikki’s place or to her Tita Baby’s store. There was this time I got a letter from my brother whose imprisoned that made me bursts into tears. I had a panic attack. He was stunned. He stayed with me. He told me not to get bothered by problems of others. He even offered me to play computer games with him. That moment I saw how good he handled things. This was when his daddy’s abroad and he was just ten. I am so proud of Harvey.

A Mother’s Delight: Harvey Dancing the JabbaWockeez

“What?” I said.

I was trying to grasp the word but cannot figure it out. It was even harder for Harvey to spell the word.

“Jabbawockeez…Mommy!” he shouted.

Harvey just got home from school. He was dancing around the house. He was doing the Michael Jackson dance moves and some like robot.

His favorite word is Jabbawockeez. I ignored the idea. I knew it’s just one of Harvey’s thing or passion for the moment. He’ll get over it.

But last night as I was having dinner, I heard a commotion. I thought the boys were having fights again. And Renz kept calling me. So I went upstairs.

As I stepped into the room, I saw Harvey on his skinny jeans, t-shirt with red necktie and hooded jacket on top, a baseball cap, and a mask to complete the Jabbawockeez look.

He was dancing to MJ’s Beat It. He was doing the famous MJ dance move The Crotch Grab ‘N Pop. His dance really made the rest of us laugh.

Harvey never ceases to amaze me!

P.S.    Jabbawockeez is an all-male hip-hop dance crew from California who gained fame by appearing on the first season of America's Got Talent. They are known for their intricate synchronization, precise dances, and mime and kabuki styled theatrics while wearing white masks and gloves during most of their performances. They call their style of dance "Beat Kune Do", named after Bruce Lee's fighting style Jeet Kune Do.

A Mother in Astonishment: Harvey’s Skinny Jeans

I stared at Harvey in awe. I watched as he tried on his new pair of pants.

I could not believe that my eleven year old son was wearing green and black checkered skinny jeans. Not at his age and not to this family. Boys in our family never wear fashionable clothes…just in simple jeans and T-shirt. As far as I know, Harvey’s personality is more of sporty than stylish.

People tend to judge so quick on what people wear. Others might look at it weird and gay. But I find Harvey wearing tight jeans a brave move. Anyway, the Jonas Brothers are famous for their tight jeans. That’s why local stars alike see skinny jeans more punk-rock based, fashionable and cool.




Gone are the days when looking good and attractive was the concern of girls alone. Now, boys are also concerned about their looks. Boys want to look good and presentable. They have strong concern for their appearance and lifestyle. It’s a personal fashion statement. I heard they are called metrosexuals. David Beckham admittedly is a proud metrosexual.

Yes I am guilty as charged for not accepting more about the things my boys like. I really have to keep abreast of new trends. Anyway, my boy will surely outgrow his pants. His personality is different from my personality. He has his own style. And Harvey is still Harvey. As the saying goes…clothes do not make the man.

A Mother in Distress: Ear Piercing

"Mommy, can I get my ears pierced?"

"No Harvey!", I objected.

"Why not?"

"Because boys don't get their ears pierced, only girls do!"

"When can I get it?.. when I'm in high school...or in college? ..how old am i then?..how many years from now on?", Harvey reiterated.

I'm a little annoyed and groaned. "Are you listening Harvey?..it's not okay for boys to get their ears pierced...it's not acceptable...people will judge you.Besides your school would suspend you or worse kick you out of the school...that's it Harvey...no more talking..."

One month passed. But Harvey didn't give up. He would ask me about it again. He would reason out that a classmate had done it. Likewise sport celebrities and dancers flaunt it. I cannot imagine a 5th grader boy in a private school with his ears pierced.

His need was something I could not understand. Maybe he wants to make a fashion statement about himself. I could see the point. But he's too young...and what's next???...body piercing, tattoo...i could have endless thoughts...but please spare my boy.

It's not that having his ears pierce will make him headed for a life of trouble. I know he is a good kid. But I could not allow this small gift of free expression. Not now...maybe when he can stand up and he can live with it...a hole in the ear.